Blader's Chat
by PandaKG
Summary: Someone stole Kyoya's Doritos. So the group chats on BladeBook to find out who it is. Includes massive autocorrect, sassiness, and drunk bladers. (Attempt at humor, I'm not a professional comedian)
1. Chapter 1

BLADEBOOK CHAT

Masamune created this group.

You're friends with 8 members.

2:45 P.M.

 **TheNumber1Blader** : Guyzz

Guyzzz

GUYZZZZ

 **KyoYo** : WTH Masamune shuddup im tryin to sleep

 **JengaHagane** : Why it's like two in the afternoon

 **KyoYo** : I dont need to justify my sleeping schedule 2 u

 **Eagleboy145** : i didnt know gargoyles needed to sleep

 **KyoYo** : shuddup eagle boy

 **Bullkei** : Hey Kyoya buddy!

 **KyoYo** : Benkei wth are u doing in my bed!?

 **Eagleboy145** : thats what she said ;)

 **KyoYo** : how much do u value ur eagles life

 **Eagleboy145** : u wouldnt

 **KyoYo** : i would ;)

 **TheNumber1Blader** : HEY DID EVERYPNE FORGET ABOUT ME OR SOMETHIN?!

 **KyoYo** : sadly no

 **Mamadoka** : what do you want Masamune?

 **Hikaru** : yea what?

 **TheNumber1Blader** : I just wanted to say that i saw some body take kyoyas doritos

 **KyoYo** : WHAT W H O

7:31 P.M.

 **Eagleboy145** : was it you i swear

 **TheNumber1Blader** : why would it b me. I dont like doritos :c

 **Eagleboy145** : shoot I meant you

*You

*You

*YU

Freaken autocorrect

 **Hikaru** : #AutoisaNoNo

Just turn it off tsubasa

 **JengaHagane** : hey guys this is yu cuz I stole gingkies phone while he was takin a nap

Also btw I didn't steal the doritos tsuchan

 _JengaHagane changed JengaHagane's nickname to YuTendou_

 **Eagleboy145** : Yu stop calling me tsuchan

 **Hikaru** : omg that nickname is adorable tsuchan

 **Eagleboy145** : noooooooo

 **KyoYo** : shuddup tsuchan

Can somebuddy tell me where my freaken doritos went?!

 **YuTendou** : I swear yoyo I didn't take them

 **KyoYo** : I never said it was you you

*You

*u

*YU

GOD NOW IM DOING IT 2

 **YuTendou** : hey tsuchan can we order pizza for dinner

 _YuTendou changed Eagleboy145's nickname to TsuChan_

 **TsuChan** : You I swear to gosh

*You

*You

*YU

Dammit may i say I hate ur name rn

 **YuTendou** : tsuchan im tellin ryoyo that ur sayin bad words

 **TsuChan** : he's my boss he doesn't have any control over what I say outside of work

 **Mamadoka** : r u guys ok? U seem less sane than usual

 **TsuChan** : i may or may not be tipsy right now

 **Mamadoka** : Aren't you underage, Tsubasa I expected better from u :(

 **TsuChan** : well excuse me, my life revolves around spinning tops, I'm sent to the hospital at least once per freaken week, i hang out with u people, I've almost died probably like 3 times,

And I live with You

*yu

Can u imagine living with him every single day?

It was only a matter of time Before i resorted to acohol to prevent myself from mentally breaking down

 **Hikaru** : u should get some help

 **YuTendou** : tsuchan I want pizza

 _Hikaru changed TsuChan's nickname to UNeedsomehelp_

 _YuTendou changed UNeedsomehelp's nickname to TsuChan_

 **TsuChan** : I'll drown Yu in pizza

*yu

*yu

*YOU

NOW ITS THE OPPOSITE R U SRS

 **Hikaru** : is drowning in pizza even possible

 **YuTendou** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **KyoYo** : don't underestimate the power of pizza or the probability of drowning in it

 **TheNumber1Blader** : I thought u died Kyoya

But anyway didja find ur doritos

 **KyoYo** : no but im slightly convinced that u are responsible for their disappearance

 **TheNumber1Blader** : y? I hate doritos. I feel like ur blaming others for something that u did urself

 **YuTendou** : masamoomoo that doesn't make sense

 **TheNumber1Blader** : I'm just sayin what if he ate all his doritos and is blaming it on others

 **YuTendou** : that still doesn't make sense cuz ur the one that said u saw someone stealing his doritos

 **ThatNumber1Blader** : touché

 **KyoYo** : wow Yu i didn't know u had it in u

 **TsuChan** : the amount of times the letter u was pronounced in that text is a sin to society

 **KyoYo** : remind me to get u drunk more often

#DrunkTsuChanisBestTsuChan

 **TsuChan** : I have some regrets

I threw up most of my diiinnnerr

 **YuTendou** : u didn't have dinner

U just said u were going to a party after u came home like 3 hours ago

 **TsuChan** : yu I don't waannnnt to argue rn

The whole room is spinning I need help

 **TheNumber1Blader** : speaking of spinning

Madoka is striker done being repaired yet?

 **Mamadoka** : Masamune I haven't even started on Pegasus yet

It'll take a couple more days

 **TheNumber1Blader** : ugghhhhhhhh

Y must you make me wait ; _ ;

 **Mamadoka** : I'm sorry I fix all of ur beys every single time u recklessly battle free of charge

 **YuTendou** : I forgive u

 **Mamadoka** : I wasn't talking to u

 **YuTendou** : but I am yu

 **Mamadoka** : not Yu you I meant you you

 **KyoYo** : I think my brain is in the process of blowing up

 **TsuChan** : guyzzzz are rooms supposed to sp iin

 **Mamadoka** : great I think we've lost Tsubasa

He was the only one of you guys who has more iq than a sack of potatoes

 **TsuChan** : potatos? Wheeerre?!

 **YuTendou** : RIP TsuChan

U were like a brother to me

 **KyoYo** : aw how sweet

It sickens me

Rip doritos

I always thought of u as family

 **Hikaru** : u eat ur family?

 **KyoYo** : shuddup

 **TsuChan** : guys i think I'm dead I see light

Oh wait no

It's just Ryo and he's shoving his flashlight in my eye

Guys I think I'm going blind

 **Mamadoka** : i mildly question my life's decisions

 **Hikaru** : whenever I feel bad can I just say I text u guys and laugh at ur life problems

 **YuTendou** : hey guys Ryo just brought TsuChan home

He's barfin in a toilet

Even eagle is looking away

 **Hikaru** : lol

 _TsuChan has left the chat_

* * *

 **So what do ya guys think? Lol. I tried to write something other than Tsubasa & Yu for once cuz Kyoya's one of my fav characters. Also cuz, I wanted to try something new. I hope the humor was ok cuz Im not really that funny on paper. But hope u enjoyed! If u want more fics like this I guess I can write more. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Guess who's back? Definitely not me! xD Jk. Guys, I didn't expect my random texting group chat blurb to get this much reception, but geez Louis you fandom peeps are too much for me. TBH, this story was intended to be a one-shot, but I was bored and I saw that you peeps wanted to know who stole the doritos. Murder Mystery incoming. I know this chapter isn't really chat focused, but trust me. Sooner in the future, chats will come. So I'm warning' ya tho, this fic is still a parody, so don't expect in character-ness. Well, enjoy!**

* * *

Kyoya was not in the _best_ of moods at the moment. Not in the best of moods would be an understatement actually. Seething in anger was probably a better description of the leone blader.. Bystanders observed, as his stomps thundered the ground below him. Steam poured from his ears and growls escaped his mouth. Children hid at the sight of his gaze.

A large crowd gathered around him, terror etched on their faces. One man tentitavely took a step toward him, his hands shaking. Kyoya raised an eyebrow at the trembling man, who cleared his throat nervously.

"Um excuse me young m-man, may I ask what has y-you so u-upset..?" The man stammered, cowering under Kyoya's glare. At the question, a crooked smirk formed slowly. The people froze at the reaction as a laugh escaped from Kyoya.

"Someone stole my doritos."

* * *

Hikaru was in a pretty _good_ mood right now. The morning had gone on pretty lazily, for a Sunday at the very least. But she had another reason for her unnatural temperance. She finally got those new pair of heels she had been dying for. Saving up for it had been a real pain, especially with Ryo's shenanigans that caused a bit of pay cuts. When did that man ever think hiring _Gingka_ as an assistant manager would be a good idea? Hikaru grimaced at the memory and pulled out her phone to see five new text notifications.

10:34 A.M.

 **Madoka:** Hey Hikaru

Have u seen Kyoya?

He's been missing since last night

Benkei says he didn't see him this morning

Txt me if u c him

Hikaru squinted at the new information she received from the five messages. Kyoya missing? It doesn't seem like a big deal. He's already disappeared at least four times in the past and has returned safely, albeit more violent and arrogant each time. Why would this time be any different? She clutched her shopping bag as she felt a shiver course through her body.

 _Strange_. Usually shivers to her meant Ryuga was nearby or someone was doing something incredibly stupid.

She stares off into the distance, only to see a large crowd gathered.

Probably something incredibly stupid.

* * *

Yu munched on his cereal, savoring the sugary chunks of marshmallow and corn flakes. Tsubasa usually was against him eating such junk food for breakfast. But does Yu really seem like the kid that would listen when it comes to sugar?

Yu shrugs and shoves another spoonful in his mouth, munching absentmindedly. His consumption of the sugary concoction was interrupted by a buzz on the table. He clambered on clumsily to the source of the vibrating.

It was Tsubasa's phone. Yu's eyes trailed to the direction of his guardian's room. He was still sleeping, but it was already 10 in the morning. Yu thought he usually got up at 7 at the very least. Well, first time for everything.

Yu rolled his eyes, his gaze slowly settling on the phone. His finger lightly presses the home button, revealing a password recognition. As the typing bar vanished and reappeared in impatience, Yu racked his brain for passwords.

Ding! An imaginary lightbulb lit up above his spiky blond hair for a moment. His fingers fly across the phone screen.

 **IL0veEagles**

The phone granted access as the screen switches to the menu. Yu cheers inwardly, playing Angry Birds as he chews another mouthful of cereal. But before Yu could release the bird onscreen, another text was received. Yu's eyes scrunched at the messages, before he swiped to the texting app.

 **Madoka:** Hey Tsubasa

Kyoyas gone

He's been missing since last night

Txt me when u c these messages or if u c Kyoya k?

Yu felt his eyebrow raise at Madoka's texts. Kyoya? Missing? When is he not missing? He closes his eyes, delving into his thoughts for a response to the messages.

 **Tsubasa:** hey madoka

Wassup

No I haven't seen Yoyo Kyoya

Yu rolled his eyes as he catches himself texting with nicknames.

Thx for the heads up

Also I love Yu and eagles

Yu brushed his hands together lightly in satisfaction. He was totally a master at Tsubasa imitation. For the excellence of the task, Yu decided that ice cream was in order. Tsubasa wasn't awake so who was he to stop ice cream consumption in the morning.

Yu got up from his chair, causing it to lightly screech across the tiled floor and skipped merrily to the fridge.

* * *

 _Hmmm_.

Hikaru texted her a couple minutes ago. Something about having an idea where Kyoya was.

Madoka shrugged as she whistled nonchalantly. Hikaru's location was just a block away, but there was something strange about the street. It seemed devoid of any people. She could've sworn she saw a tumbleweed race by.

Madoka sighed, but something caught her peripherals as she crossed the street.

A crowd.

Madoka squinted, the large crowd seemed to consist of the whole town. But there weren't any big events planned today. Nothing big enough to draw a crowd as large as this. Suddenly, a blur of blue appeared in the crowd.

"Hikaru?!"

The blue slowly came into view, clearing and revealing the familiar figure of quite possibly the only female friend Madoka had.

"Madoka! Come over here!"

"Why?!"

Madoka slowly crept toward the crowd and found that someone else was right across Hikaru. His green spiked hair blew across the wind and his blue irises were cold and dark.

Madoka sighed.

Of course it was Kyoya.

"Kyoya, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Hikaru yelled incredulously. Kyoya couldn't exactly put his finger on why she was so mad. It's not like he did anything wrong.

"Whaddya mean?" Kyoya grumbled, obviously annoyed by the interruptions. His irritation only grew when he spotted Madoka huffing next to Hikaru. Great two moody girls is definitely worse than one.

"What do I mean? What do I MEAN? Why are you terrorizing everyone?" Hikaru waved her arms erratically, her voice rising an octave higher. Kyoya slightly winced at the volume. Hikaru didn't stop there to Kyoya's dismay.

She, along with Madoka started ranting about how it wasn't 'nice' to interrogate people. He only heard bits and pieces like; 'accusation' or 'jumping to conclusions'. He also heard 'donuts' but what did that have to do with the topic? In answer, his stomach grumbled. He was pretty hungry as he didn't have anything to eat that morning and the night before. Soon, the combined high-pitched voices of the girls got to him. Something snapped.

"Someone stole my Doritos, alright?!" Kyoya shut his eyes and screeched. An awkward silence soon enveloped the three of them. Kyoya gingerly opened one eye to see Hikaru and Madoka frozen, looks of shock on their faces. Hikaru opened her mouth to break the quiet.

"What the f-"

* * *

"Hey calm down will ya?!" Kyoya forced out, as he felt more hard objects rain upon him. Hikaru's glare intensified at the question as she threw more stones at him. Kyoya squeezed his eyes shut as more pelleted him. He opened one eye to see Madoka a few feet away. He looked to her for help, but found himself cowering under her glare as she texted on her phone disapprovingly.

"No. I will not CALM DOWN!" Heavy emphasis on calm. Kyoya rolled his eyes. "You literally terrorized half of Metal City over DORITOS!" Her arms shot up, flippantly as she gawked.

"That's LITERALLY THE MOST STUPIDEST REASON YOU COULD EVER COME UP WITH!"

"Hey, I resent that," Kyoya retorted, slicking his frazzled spikes back. "I'll have you know Doritos are loved and cherished by many!" Hikaru's eye twitched at the statement.

"I'm SORRY if I don't BELIEVE DORITOS JUSTIFY TERRORISM!"

"DORITOS CAN JUSTIFY EVERYTHING!"

"I'D LOVE TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT IN COURT!"

"ARE YOU IMPLYING SOMETHING?!"

"WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IMPLYING?!"

"NOBODY DID, YOU WERE IMPLYING THAT YOU WERE IMPLYING!"

"WHAT THE F- That doesn't even make sense!"

"Yes it does." Kyoya interrupted Hikaru before she could say another word. "And you and goggle-head over there are gonna help me find my missing Doritos." He gestured to Hikaru and Madoka, with the latter looking insulted by the method of addressing. Before they could protest, Kyoya grabbed them by the arms and bolted away from the crowd, leaving confusion in its wake.

* * *

 _*Knock*_

Yu looked at the door and shrugged.

 ** _*Knock Knock*_**

Yu stared at the door again, irritation growing

...

 ** _*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*_**

"OKAY, OKAY I'M COMING!"

Yu felt his eyebrow twitch at the chorus of knocks coming from the wooden door. Someone interrupted his ice cream time. No one ever gets away with interrupting ice cream time. Masamune could probably vouch for that. He accidentally interrupted it for bey training and let's just say he still avoids Yu to this day.

The door swung open, slamming against the wall loudly. Before Yu could even start the longs olding he had formulated before he reached the door, a hand grabbed him by his shirt collar.

"Hey kid, where's Tsubasa?" Kyoya huffed menacingly. Yu looked over Kyoya's shoulder to see Madoka waving to him and Hikaru with her arms folded. Yu raised an eyebrow in confusion, but Hikaru and Madoka mouthed 'Don't ask' in response.

"Uh, Tsu-chan's asleep so come back later." Yu waved his hand dismissively, motioning for Kyoya to leave. Kyoya didn't seem impressed by the notion and didn't seem to want to take no for an answer.

Kyoya stepped in, Yu still in hand. Madoka and Hikaru followed, but didn't seem happy to help Kyoya in his task and slumped on the couch, pulling out their phones. Kyoya scowled at the action. Big help they were.

"Kid, where's Eagle Boy?" Yu's eyes widened at the question, before narrowing in realization.

He pointed to the wooden door in the hallway, Kyoya's gaze following the direction.

"He's still sleepin'. Now if you WILL EXCUSE ME, I'm gonna eat some ice cream." Yu slapped Kyoya's hand away from his shirt before starting a nonchalant skip to the kitchen. Kyoya grabbed his sleeve, however, rendering the boy stationary once again. Yu pouted in protest.

"Yeah, sure kid."

"Goggle-head and Heels?! Get over here!" Madoka and Hikaru sighed exasperadly at Kyoya's beckoning, but forced themselves to drag their feet to their destination.

"Um, are you sure we should go in?"

"Yeah, what's the problem?"

"Well nothing, but I still think this is an invasion of privacy."

"Nah, its fine, Tsu-chan's got nothin' to hide."

Madoka gingerly stepped forward and knocked on the door gently. The four found no answer to the greeting. Madoka tried once more but to no avail. Hikaru began her attempt to find the same result. Pretty soon Yu grew impatient and found the endeavor a waste of his time.

"Do you people know how to knock?! Yeesh!" The youngest scoffed, as he began pounding the door, eliciting large thuds. "Hey, Tsu-chan? Doka, Hippity-Hop and Yoyo are here to see ya!"

Suddenly, a loud groan was heard from the other side of the door, causing the teens to gasp. The sound seemed to be from the aforementioned teen who was bedridden all morning. Madoka shuddered at the noise.

"Hey guys, maybe we should come back later." Madoka shivered. "What if he's busy doing... _GUY THINGS_?" Hikaru rolled her eyes at the very idea. Kyoya looked dubious to the suggestion while Yu seemed utterly confused.

"Guy things? Ya mean like sports and video games?" Yu spoke up, his gaze quizzical, finding nothing wrong with either. Kyoya seemed unfazed by the question and was about to answer it before a hand slapped his mouth.

"You'll understand when you're older." Hikaru reassured, inwardly cringing at the feeling of Kyoya's mouth moving against her hand. "But I'm pretty sure he's not doing that right now."

Another groan.

"I'm 45% sure."

"..."

"Who freaken cares what he's doing! I'm going in there! He's gonna help me find my Doritos whether he LIKES IT OR NOT!" Kyoya shoved past the others to grab the doorknob.

Hikaru didn't seem surprised at the the action while Madoka and Yu promptly freaked.

"Kyoya!"

"Yoyo!"

"See what did I tell ya, he's perfectly Fi-" Kyoya trailed off as he looked at the older teen inside the room. Madoka, Hikaru, Yu peered in silently, but also looked baffled at the result as well.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Tsu-chan needs some help.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Guys. I've become my worst nightmare. A writer that takes forever to update.**

 **Sorry for the long wait, I've been wrapped up in school a lot. Also since Metal Fusion he been taken off in Netflix, I haven't been able to watch that much. I'm not the biggest fan of Burst too :(. Although I've been obsessed with Stranger Things 2 so there's that! Well enough of my rambling, enjoy!**

* * *

Bladebook Chat

 **TheNumber1Blader:** yooo guyzzzz

yoo

wth y is no1 on rn?

 **JengaHagane:** Masamune shut up

Im trying to enjoy a triple beef burger right now

 **TheNumber1Blader:** sup gingka

 **JengaHagane:** did u srsly just ignore what I just said

 **TheNumber1Blader:** what did u say

 **JengaHagane:** nvm

 **Bullkei:** Hey guys?

Has anyone seen Kyoya lately?

I texted Madoka and she said she hasn't seen him

 **JengaHagane:** nope :/

Havent seen him

Maybe he's at the zoo pretending to be a lion and terrorizing people again

 **TheNumber1Blader:** if he was i would have seen it on the news

U know I swear he's been on the headlines more than Gingka has

 **Bullkei:** true

 **JengaHagane:** at least when I'm on the news it isn't related to terrorism

 **TheNumber1Blader:** yeah suuuure

OMG GUYZZ

 **JengaHagane:** What now

 **TheNumber1Blader:** KYOYAS ON THE NEWS AGAIN

IT SAYS HES DOWNTOWN

APPaRENTLy he's threatening people

 **JengaHagane:** When does he not do that

 **Bullkei:** So Kyoya bud is downtown?

K, thx Masamune.

I'll go down there now

 **TheNumber1Blader:** WAIT can u bring me 2?!

I already binged all the episodes of mlp so I'm reaaally bored

AND THE ONLY ONE TEXTING HERE IS GINGKA LIKE CMON

And watching Kyoya do anything is entertaining

SO PLLLEEEEZEE

PLEASE

pls?

Is anyone here anymore?

Gingka?

Benkei?

 **Bullkei:** I'm outside ur door r u coming or not?

 **TheNumber1Blader:** :o

Yea

* * *

"Are you okay, Tsu-chan?" Yu skipped to his friend's side, concern on his face. Tsubasa just covered his head with his pillow and grumbled into it. Yu nudged him lightly, eliciting another grumble. Tsubasa then showed his face, revealing dark bags over his eyes and discomfort.

"Guys, can you freaken SHUT UP. I'm not in the mood right now.." his voice was raspy and grumpy. He scowled at all of them.

"Wait what?" Kyoya still looked confused, leading three others to roll their eyes. Madoka was the next to speak up.

"Uh, Tsubasa are you okay?" He narrowed his eyes at the question.

"No, I am not okay."

"What's wrong?"

He rubbed his temples in irritation. "Well, if you recall last night, I was texting while drinking at the WBBA party. Not to mention that I ended up drinking a lot. Ryo took me home and I started throwing up." he explained, not so happy at recalling his drunken stupor.

"Haha, I remember that." Yu laughed, more of the mocking variety than of pure humor. Madoka tsked disapprovingly while Hikaru covered her chuckles with her hand.

"Wait, so you're saying you're-" Kyoya paused to let out a laugh (s). "You're hungover right now?!" Tsubasa sighed and nodded begrudgingly at this, causing Hikaru, Yu and Kyoya to burst out into laughter. Madoka sighed and offered him a glance of sympathy. Tsubasa just huffed and covered his head with pillows and pulled his blanket over himself, leaving him almost completely hidden. Kyoya stopped laughing at this and realized what he came there for.

"Well, Eagle Boy," Kyoya pulled the teen out of the covers, Tsubasa seemingly very angry indeed. "I need you to help me find my missing Doritoes, so get outta bed right now.

Tsubasa didn't seem the least bit amused. "No."

"Well, I ain't taking no for an answer."

"Well, let me think," Tsubasa pretended to look thoughtful. "No."

"Gosh, you're even more freaken smug and annoying when you're hungover!" Kyoya screeched. "Will you help me?" Every syllable came out forced.

"No."

"Well how abou-"

"No."

"..."

"NO."

"Well YOU KNOW WHAT?!"

Kyoya puffed his chest in anger. "We're gonna do this the hard way." A smirk formed across his face, as he pulled the other by his shirt collar up to eye-level. Tsubasa didn't look impressed at all and seemed unfazed by the close proximity and Kyoya's glare.

"I told you yesterday. How much do you care about your eagle?" Kyoya beamed innocently. Tsubasa visibly shuddered and fear grew in his eyes.

"You wouldn't."

A wink.

"I would."

Tsubasa looked at Hikaru, Yu and Madoka for help, but they were too busy enjoying the show and munching on popcorn. Madoka had at least the sensitivity to mouth a 'There's no reasoning with Kyoya'. Tsubasa felt like he should take the unsaid advice to heart.

"Fine, I'll DO IT!" He throws his blanket to the air and folds his arms grumpily. Kyoya didn't even stop to thank him as he grabbed all of them and bolted out the door.

"Do we really have to run around? I feel dizzy.." Kyoya rolled his eyes at the hungover teen who was looking very sick indeed. Madoka, Hikaru and Yu weren't even running like the two of them. More like leisurely strolling down the sidewalk.

"We'll take a break when we get there!" Kyoya yelled over the wind.

"Oh.." Tsubasa looked thoughtful, despite his nausea. Kyoya let out a sigh of relief as it seemed his hungover friend was finally quiet.

"Where's there?" Kyoya let out a grunt of frustration.

"Well. Uhh... Gingka's house, I guess." The statement sounded more like a question.

"Oh ok... Wait! Gingka has a house? I thought he lived like under that bridge or something?"

"Uh... ok you've got a point." Kyoya attempted to answer.

"..."

"Are we there yet?"

"No, so shut up Curious George or I swear I'll-" Kyoya was interrupted but the sound of something hitting the floor. He turns around to see Tsubasa laying on the concrete, his arms folded across his chest, holding a flower.

"Then write my obituary, cuz I'm not gonna make it." Kyoya's eye twitched as Yu strolled over to dump flowers on Tsubasa.

"Tsu-chan, can I be the flower girl at your funeral?" Tsubasa spits out a flower petal.

"Little boy, flower girls are only in weddings." Yu's eyes welled up at this. Hikaru just shrugged as she strolled by the fallen teenager.

"Actually, African culture traditionally has flower girls in funeral services." Madoka explained matter-of-factly. She just couldn't let the false fact slip by. Tsubasa shrugged but motioned Yu to continue dumping flowers on him.

"Yay!" Yu grabbed the whole bush and deposited it on Tsubasa. Madoka just facepalmed and sighed.

"Kid. Tsu-chan's gonna have to get up or I'm gonna have to kill him and his eagle." The mountain of bush and flower petals seemed to shrug at the declaration. Yu just gasped as he bolted off to the distance.

"As long as you bury my eagle next to me, I don't care." he seemed unfazed by the past successful threat.

"I call dibs on flower girl for eagle too." Yu sped back with multiple flower arrangements in his arms. Some said 'Congratulations' and 'Sorry for Your Loss' plastered across it. Kyoya growled and made a move to get Tsubasa off the floor, but was stopped by Yu.

"HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR THE DECEASED?!" The boy screamed at the befuddled Kyoya, leading some bystanders to glance their way. Out of context, it did really make Kyoya seem like a jerk. People began booing at Kyoya, much to his angered surprise.

Madoka sighed at the boys' idiocy and walked over to Hikaru, desperate to get away from the stupidity.

Kyoya seemed to have recovered from his surprise and made another motion to get the 'deceased' teen off the ground, but accidentally snapped a stem of the flowers in the process.

Yu gasped loudly at this before falling to the ground. Kyoya just stared at him, now even more confused.

"Tsu-chan, I don't think I can be your flower girl anymore, for I am dead too. I leave everything to you in my will." He falls to the ground dramatically, a hand placed on his forehead. He looked almost like a certain peacock blader with his performance.

"But I'm dead too, Yu."

"Oh right." Yu paused and sat up, with a finger to his chin. "I leave everything to Kenchi. My final wish is to be buried next to Tsu-chan and to have Tithi be my flower girl." With a huff of satisfaction, he plopped himself on the concrete once again, adding his own little pile of flowers on his body.

Kyoya groaned and looked ready to murder both of them, but suddenly a rusty pick-up truck skidded to a stop next to them, revealing a familiar figure from the window.

"Hey, Kyoya bud! Whatcha do..in?" he trailed off as he squinted his eyes at his idol standing before a fallen Tsubasa and Yu.

"Benkei, it's not what it looks like." Kyoya started, eyes looking frantic. Unbeknownst to him, Hikaru was behind him mouthing 'It totally is.'

"Whoa, what the heck's up with those two?!" Everyone turned to look at the back of the truck which revealed the self-proclaimed number one blader.

"Are they dead?! If they are then.. I don't want to be a witness!" Masamune shuddered at the unmoving bodies of the duo.

"They're not dead... yet." Hikaru and Madoka said in unison. Kyoya just crossed his arms and refused to say anything, as he found that what he said usually made the situation worse. Yu suddenly sat up to add to the conversation.

"Hey Masamoomoo! Can you be a speaker at my funeral?" Yu asked the new arrival.

"Yeah sure! Anything for you, ol' buddy!" Masamune exclaimed jovially, his fear dissolving instantly. Madoka and Hikaru sweatdropped as the pure concentration of stupidity was just too much. Kyoya just groaned in frustration.

"Ok everybody shuddup. No one's dying while my doritos are missing!" Masamune snapped to attention at this, his eyes darting nervously.

"Oh. Are your doritos still missing Kyoya?" Masamune's voice cracked when he said the leone blader's name. Everyone seemed to be piqued by Masamune's sudden change of demeanor. Kyoya narrowed his eyes at the question.

"Why? Do you have any information you'd like to share with us, Mr. Butt-In-Ski." Yu held back a snicker at the name.

Masamune gulped.

* * *

 **A/N Welp I tried.**


End file.
